


Invisible Scars

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [91]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Comfort, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Feels, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, Kissing, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), Loki Lives (Marvel), M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suits, Survival, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28478310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Tony isn’t looking forward to the night’s gala, and he’s enjoying Loki in a suit while he can– but then tugging on Loki’s tie triggers a panic attack, and Tony doesn’t know what to do.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [91]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 35
Kudos: 339





	Invisible Scars

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by [this prompt on tumblr](https://whumpster-dumpster.tumblr.com/post/615305580020678656/whumpee-has-to-attend-a-formal-event-their#notes), though I obviously haven't followed it exactly.  
>   
>  **Prompt** — _“We’re all a little stronger than we think we are.”_

Loki always looks really good in a suit.

Like, _really_ good.

And okay, to be fair– Tony could admit that he was biased. To his eyes, Loki looked good in _everything,_ from Asgardian armour to a pair of baggy pyjama pants. But in a suit?

_Shit._

Tony was going to struggle making it through this charity gala for the blipped that Pepper was forcing them to go to, he could already tell.

Tony swallowed as he stepped a little closer, twisting the tie he held in his hands through his fingers. It was silk, and a deep emerald green, purposefully chosen to bring out the colour in Loki’s eyes.

Loki’s eyes, which were currently gleaming to match the smirk that was curling along the corners of Loki’s lips. Bastard. He knew exactly what that suit was doing to Tony.

Oh well. Loki knew exactly what he did to Tony on a moment by moment basis, he saw the evidence and reaped the benefits often enough. Perhaps, if Loki kept on like this, Pepper might actually _kick them out early._ That was a goal to aspire to, at least.

The thought had Tony smiling as he looped the tie around his lover’s neck, unable to help smoothing his hands down Loki’s chest once he had done so. Loki chuckled as he leaned down, catching Tony’s lips in a soft kiss—

Well, it started soft, anyway. Then Tony was pressing up into it, kissing Loki with a vigour that might have given away just how _much_ he liked that suit. He gasped as he felt Loki’s tongue brush along his lower lip, and he used his grip on the still undone tie to pull Loki closer, dragging him forward to kiss him harder—

But—

Loki _froze._

Dead solid, right under Tony’s lips– for a moment—

But then after that single moment Loki’s hands shoved against Tony’s chest, pushing him away with more force than Loki ever normally dared to use.

Tony gasped with the pain of it, though the ache in his chest was more than just physical. Loki had never pushed him away before, not like that at least. Had he done something? Had he– was there something that he’d done wrong?

Trying not to let himself jump to conclusions, Tony looked up to meet Loki’s gaze—

And honestly? What he saw scared him to the core.

Loki had pressed himself back against the wall, spine and palms flat against the surface. His eyes were blown wide, _terrified,_ his breath coming in desperate pants so that his chest was rising and falling far, far too quickly, and his face was paler than a ghost.

Shit, shit—

Okay, this went beyond Loki just not wanting the kiss, this was… well.

Tony could recognise a panic attack when he saw one.

He still wasn’t sure what he’d done to trigger it, but unless he did the same thing again then the trigger itself was not as important as calming Loki down.

Slowly, carefully, Tony made his way to his terrified lover, holding his hands out in front of him and in clear sight.

“Loki,” he said, keeping his voice soft. “Lokes, can you hear me?”

There was no response, though Tony couldn’t be sure whether that was due to Loki not being able to hear at all, or whether he simply could not respond. Either way, Tony knew better than to try and touch him without being _sure,_ so he kept his distance.

And he kept talking.

“Loki, it’s all right. Whatever it is, you’re okay, you’re safe. You’re—” Tony swallowed to clear the roughness of his voice, trying to think about what usually helped _him_ in situations like this. “You’re in the Avengers Compound, upstate New York. In our bedroom. You’re safe. It’s five-thirty, uh, five-thirty-ish in the evening. We were just getting dressed, because Pepper wants us to go to the fundraiser SI is doing for those who were displaced when they blipped. You put on your suit while I was fetching your tie, and god _damn_ Lokes, you look amazing in it. You knew how good you look, you saw the way I was watching you. The way I’m _always_ watching you, really, because… I love you, Lokes, you know that, yeah? You know that I care about you more than anything, that you’re the most important person to me. I’ll do anything for you, anything at all, and I’ll never, _ever_ hurt you. Not– not intentionally, at any rate, and if I ever hurt you by accident… like maybe I have now, then I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make up for it.”

Tony swallowed again.

“Loki. You’re on Earth. Midgard. You’re safe. You’re in the Avengers Compound, in our bedroom. It’s five– it’s about five-forty pm, the sun’s just starting to go down. The light will be looking pretty orange over the Hudson right now, I bet it’s a sight to see. We used to watch it sometimes, from the roof of the old tower, remember? We were just getting dressed, because Pepper wants us to go to the charity gala for the blipped. I’m not sure why– Avengers are probably the last thing those people want to see. But I suppose it’s good publicity, and we can’t really get too much of that right now, can we? Though, the world _does_ at least know that we brought everyone back, too, so I suppose it could be worse. But– ah– this is Earth, Midgard, New York. We’re in the penthouse. You’re safe. _You’re safe.”_

Tony kept on talking, not stopping even as his mouth grew dry and his throat grew sore. He stayed by Loki’s side, never letting up, sometimes rambling about what they’d done that day or on others, but always circling back to the constant reassurance of where they were, and that they were safe.

That _Loki_ was safe.

And slowly, slowly, Loki began to calm.

He slipped down the wall so that he was sitting on the floor, his forehead pressed to his knees. Tony followed with him, sitting cross-legged a few yards away. Still talking, still just… letting Loki know that he wasn’t _alone._

And then, the next time Tony paused for breath in between a promise of safety and a recollection of how DUM-E had tried to feed Loki motor oil earlier that week– Loki finally spoke.

“I know that you don’t want to hurt me.”

Loki’s voice was rougher than Tony had ever heard it, even after his worst kind of nightmare. But he tried not to let show how much that worried him, clearing his dry throat and speaking calm and level.

“That’s good,” Tony whispered. “I’m really glad to hear that.”

Loki glanced up at that, his red-rimmed eyes burning a hole through Tony’s skin.

“I know that you don’t want to hurt me.”

Tony drew in a deep breath at the repetition. “I don’t,” he replied. “I promise. Loki, I love you more than anything—”

“I _know_ that,” Loki interrupted– and despite the harshness of his tone, honestly, the fact that there was emotion in it at all bolstered Tony’s hopes. At least until– “I know that you don’t want to hurt me, I know that you care about me, that you love me. So why—” He choked off on a gasp, his voice snapping and breaking along the edge of every syllable.

“Loki,” Tony whispered, wishing with everything he was that he could just reach across the space between them and draw Loki into his arms– but he couldn’t risk making this worse. “Loki, whatever it is, we’ll be all right. I’m not mad at you, okay? I promise, I’m not upset that you pulled away—”

“You should be,” Loki said. “You should be, because I– because when you—” Loki grit his teeth with a sound that was something close to a sob, and then he reached up to his neck, rubbed his hand over his throat—

And suddenly—

_Oh, god._

“He’s never going to touch you again.” Tony’s words were almost absentminded, spoken without a conscious decision to do so. But as he said them, Tony knew that it was something Loki probably needed to hear– and on top of that, something that Tony felt he needed to _say._ So he continued, this time with vicious purpose. “Loki, he’s dead. Thanos is _dead._ You survived him, you– you outwitted him, and you’re still here. You’re alive, and he is _never going to hurt you again.”_

“I know that too,” Loki said, his voice still breaking, still shattering Tony’s heart along with it. “I know it, and yet, I _still_ can’t get him out of my head.” As he spoke, Loki’s hands buried into his hair, clutching at it with a tightness that _must_ have hurt.

Tony shuffled a little closer, aching.

“Loki… if there’s anything that I can do to help—”

“You are already helping,” Loki said. “Just by being here, you’re already helping more than you know.”

“Then I’ll stay here,” Tony said firmly. “As long you need. For whatever you need. I’ll be here.”

Loki drew in a sharp breath at that– but the breath was deep.

“Thank you,” he said. “But I just… I don’t know what to _do.”_

“No one ever does,” Tony whispered. Loki’s gaze snapped to Tony’s at that, asking– no, _begging_ him for elaboration. “I just mean… Loki, I know that this isn’t– easy. I know that it never will be. I know, for me at least, sometimes it seems like it’s never going to end, like there isn’t a way out. But… listen, yeah? We’re all a little stronger than we think we are. We’re all able to get through more than we believe and then, when it’s all over, we can turn around and look back at where we were, and be glad that we made it. And besides, you know what, Lokes?” Tony shifted a little closer, slid his hand across the floor. “You don’t have to do this alone, not ever. I’m right here with you, and I’m not going away.”

At that, Loki seemed to _melt,_ his entire body going slack as he slumped forward. One hand came to rest on Tony’s gripping tight—

And then he leaned forward all the way, pressing into Tony’s chest, clinging to his expensive shirt, burying into his shoulder.

“Hey, you’re all right,” Tony whispered, feeling utterly at a loss as to what to do, but feeling like he needed to do _something._ “I’m here.”

Loki just held him tighter, curled in further. Tony was happy to do the same, the pair of them tangled on the ground in a mess of expensive suits, clothes and faces stained with tears that neither had even noticed as they began to fall.

“We should be going soon,” Loki croaked– though he made no indication of wanting to move, his nose still pressed to the side of Tony’s neck.

“Nah,” Tony said. “JARVIS will tell Pepper something came up, that I had a problem in the workshop, or something. She’ll let it go, and we can stay right where we are. Just you and me. Fuck the gala, I think we more than deserve a little bit of peace.”

Tony felt a huff of breath against his skin at that, and he wondered– he _hoped_ – that it might have been a short laugh.

“Ah, peace,” Tony sighed, his fingers clutching at Loki’s jacket for a moment– before he forced them to relax, and he started stroking Loki’s back instead. “Bit of an odd concept, I guess.”

“Sounds rather boring,” Loki replied, and although his tone remained jagged Tony’s lips twitched with the relief of hearing some of that wit return. “However… I believe that just this once, I may like to experience it.”

“That’s settled then,” Tony said. “Hey, J? Once you’ve talked to Pep, find us a movie will you? A good one– and don’t you _dare_ put on Space Odyssey again, I got the hint the first four times, okay? Put on something calming. Maybe something animated. And Lokes, sweetheart, as much as I adore you in that suit, do you think you could bless me with some pyjamas? These things look good but no matter what the magazines want you to think, they are _not_ designed for lazing about.”

It took them a few minutes to make their way to the bed, as neither found themselves particularly keen to disentangle. But the draw of comfort was difficult to deny, and soon enough they were pressed together against their pillows and under their blankets, still holding each other close.

Once they were settled, JARVIS began projecting a movie on the wall – WALL-E, _of course,_ because JARVIS always loved to be a little shit – and they curled together in _peace_ , their eyes on each other just as much as the movie, their hands stroking bare skin as they reassured themselves that the other was still there.

That not only were they still alive, and still safe– they were still _fighting,_ still surviving through torment with every single breath.

With every breath, they gained strength– and standing together, they would always stay strong.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy new year, everyone!


End file.
